I think it stems down to those past relationships. How easily they all hid secrets, how easily they flirted with other girls, even in front of me. I have it so good right now, don't get me wrong. I have never been so sure of anything in my life until now. He treats me like royalty- like as if I'm ethereal and rare and I love him for that. But I feel like it's too good to be true, that someone will entice him even more and he'd be taken away. I've never learnt to hold onto things and keep them, so this is my first time. We're so honest, so open, so deeply invested in each other that I feel queasy thinking all of these 'what ifs'. I really have to keep my mind under control, I know that. I just wish that I didn't grow up surrounded by so many lies. It would really help with my trust issues now. Goodbye past- I need to get rid of your toxicity. Hello confidence, let's get to know each other.
Until next time.
xx
