Complications

I can feel you slipping away, it makes me wonder what's really changing. I feel like I'm a small lost child in a dark and empty forest, one that keeps changing so I have no sense of direction. Is it so hard for you to tell me what you want? What do you need from me? Am I becoming a burden to you? I feel like now I'm living in constant negativity and doubt and that you're actually enjoying watching me suffer. Let's rewind time, let's rewind our lives and go back to the beginning... Or should we skip forward, see what's really going to happen and accept how things are going to be? You're an addiction and you know you have me at your fingertips. Please stop toying with me. Either embrace me or abandon me. I feel like I'm just being tolerated. The amount of ache you deliver, that heavy weight in my heart and mind. I wish you were clear with me.

I feel you slipping away and I'm not sure whether to hold on tight... or let go.

Until next time.
xx

Benevolent

Here I am just thinking to myself, is it patience that I have? Or am I just filled with stupidity?

When one is pushed into a space of negativity from an outside factor, one's decisions and thoughts become heavily influenced by this new, dark forced that has entered one's space. Was it by choice? As much as I'd like to say no, I must confess it was. You always have a choice whether to let them overtake you, or to fight back. I, for one, was weak that night.

But let me tell you one thing. I understand that people need to do things their way. I understand that people may be put back due to occurring actions. I understand that sometimes, it's hard to find that silver lining in all that mess.

However, you always, always, ALWAYS have a choice.

So, are you going to-
Let it burn you up? Or let it fuel your determination?
Let it dampen your mood? Or find a way to get over it?

Do you want to be angry and sour for the rest of your life? Or do you want to be able to channel your moods to clear that black space?

Deal with it. Don't drag others into it. You have a choice. Either you want to, or you don't want to. Don't let it ruin your mood because consequently, you'll end up doing more harm than any good whatsoever.

Until then,
xx

Abstinence

To refrain from something is to gain self control. I confess, I myself have little to no self control. Whether it's 'dieting' and controlling what I eat, to seeing something disastrous happening in slow motion and feeling absolutely helpless, knowing I should do something but not knowing what precisely needs to be done. In the heart of all things, it is what our inner souls want; this tiny voice we hear in our minds is what we subconsciously want, what we make ourselves believe that we need. Imagine a small child crying alone on the streets because he is hungry. Do you walk away from the child? Or do you feed them? How could one tiny voice project so much emotion? This is when we have to harness that self control. We must understand when we can let go, as well as comprehend when we must hold back.

 But how do we do that? What steps are supposed to be taken to help us educate ourselves to this...control?

 I myself haven't found the answer yet, but I am definitely open to suggestions thrown my way.

  All voices should be heard.

It just depends on how hard you listen to them is all.

Until next time.
xx
 

Zaftig

They had an agreement. They would be together but free. They had an agreement. No strings were attached. They had each other, but he wanted more. She hated the agreement, but she wanted him happy. He brought someone home one day, she was devastated. But because of that agreement, she plastered on a smile. That night she slept alone and heard them through the walls. Fat tears caressed her cheeks, comforting her, but still she kept that smile. This went on for days, she felt empty and forgotten. Then one day, it became too much, the smile had worn her out. With the final ounce of energy she could muster up, she gave him the ultimatum- it's either me or her. The girl beside him, naked in all her fine glory, had a dainty smug smile. He looked confused, for he wanted one but needed the other. 'We had an agreement, I don't understand.' She was so weary. She felt so tired. 'Let me decide for you then' she sighed and left him.

Until then.
xx