Near

What if life was just a game and I was losing?
What if the objectives were actually quite simple to meet, what if the only way to level up was to conform?
What if we were all players of this large mind controlling game?
What if the only way to win was to conform?

 Is that why I'm losing?

I'm just trying to make sense of this constant noise in my head. Despite the crap running through my brain, I'd like to believe I'm actually a fairly simple person. I just feel... Misplaced. Like a checkers piece on a chess board. Or a pen near a jigsaw puzzle. I don't make sense, I don't belong in this arena. So tell me then, how close am I to the edge?

 When is it Game Over?

Until then.
xx

Metadata

I am a selfish person. I want the world's affection and will try to get it at any cost, but as the saying goes, you can't buy happiness. No I take it back. I need raw love from just someone. One person that needs me as much as I'd need them. The people I surround myself with, they can be talking about something and not notice me suffocating in the corner. My silence is deafening to myself. I am trying so hard to figure out what I want but I just can't , for the life of me, figure it out. Fake smiles everywhere to everyone. The days are long, my sighs are heavier. The clock ticks. I think... I want out.

Until next time.

xx

Losing It

Never have I felt so alone. I'm trying... fuck I'm trying. No matter where I go I can't seek comfort and it hurts, just hurts so much. My mask is wearing out and my emotions are slowly clawing their way through. If she takes over again... God knows what will happen.

Worthless, senseless, empty. The terrors of my dreams, the scars that will never heal. Crying for attention isn't my style. Holding it in fucking sucks. I'm at an impasse- do I let people in and allow them to see how completely fucked up I am? Or do I push everyone away for their own good. My heart will always crave what my mind forbids. I can't even deal with myself. What makes it possible for me to deal with everyone else then?

The countdown begins.

Until then.
xx

Kiss me

"My heart is racing," he whispered.
"So is mine" she replied.

Until next time.
xx